After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My dick has a subreddit
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
