3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
