just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize