Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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