I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
