The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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