Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
