Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just google imaged poop.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
