just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
