do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
