Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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