The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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