All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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