I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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