We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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