I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
