NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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