I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
