Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
