Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
