"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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