I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
