I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
