is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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