And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
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