I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
