trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
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