I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
