I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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