I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
