dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
