420 ftw
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
This is classic penis vs brain.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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