as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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