yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
