Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
