haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Randomize
