I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
"it" just moved
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
