How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
