her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
