yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
