Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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