I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
