I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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