So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
