i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have fence marks all over my body
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
