So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
