i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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