I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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