So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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