Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
