Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
