32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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