The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
