Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
