i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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