wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I love having hate sex.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
