Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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