living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
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I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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