that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
