we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The struggles of a small town man whore
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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