Where is the hickey?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
did i just pee glitter
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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