I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
