Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
