I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
