Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
