You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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