I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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