I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
