I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
