On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
