she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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