i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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