He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
