he puts the penis in happiness.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize