if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
