your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
