piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
