he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it penis luge time yet?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
