also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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