Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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