The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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