Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
