I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
