The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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