All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
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My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
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while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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