"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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