Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
